I resent your resentment

A part of being me is a whole load of resentments. They range from little things all the way to life changing things. One thing all my resentments have in common is they overwhelm me. We all resent something, be it getting up solely to go to work when the bed is nice and warm and the day is cold, or that our government sees fit to spend our taxes on funding wars in places where we shouldn't have stuck our noses in in the first place. Most people go through their everyday lives giving their resentments very little thought and just air them once in a while with friends over drinks on a Friday evening. 

Some resentments fester, they grow like a tumour of the mind eating away at all the positive thoughts and tainting everyday life. A lot of relationships are destroyed by resentment. Something that was endearing at the beginning of a relationship may become a bone of contention a few years down the line. That little hiccough-burp you thought was so cute grates on your nerves because it happens all the time. The forgotten spoonful of sugar in your cup of tea that you found silly in the beginning becomes annoying when you have taken that first mouthful yet again expecting a taste that never came. Divorces have been granted because the toothpaste tube was squeezed in the wrong manner causing the offended party to become acutely depressed.

Resentments need air time. They need addressing. You have to accept you are resentful of something or someone, ask yourself why you feel resentful and learn to forgive yourself for feeling that way. Feelings are real, they are never stupid, perhaps overwhelming, perhaps different from someone else's in the same situation but never stupid. Your feelings are there for a reason, they tip you off about your current circumstances and whether they are healthy. Some mental ill health conditions can change your perspectives and so your feelings seem inappropriate, or too overwhelming, but those feelings are still a valid representation of you. Always listen to your feelings, always work out which emotions are causing those feelings and then work out why you are experiencing those emotions. Does the situation you are in warrant these feelings or the depths to which you feel them? If so then change your situation, if not then challenge your interpretation, but forgive yourself when you think you are feeling something inappropriately, there is a reason why you feel that way.
 
I have many, many resentments because of my own mental ill health. My biggest resentment is that I work so hard everyday to keep a positive attitude and people can be so negative around me, I then resent having to positive for them too. It's an irrational one in my own opinion. People have a right to speak their negative feelings, to be negative for a little while, I just find it tiring to deal with. If I want to stay positive I have to negate their negativity and it's hard work. I resent having to put in so much effort to make someone feel better just to make sure I don't start feeling bad, but then I feel bad anyway because I feel resentful. 

My resentment is my own just as yours is yours to own. To keep ourselves sane we must let go of our resentments. If they are to do with a relationship and wish for that relationship to continue we must find a way to forgive ourselves of our resentments and work on how to not feel resentful of certain things. Is it something the other person need to change, would that be a reasonable request? Is it something we need to change our perspective on? Are we seeing the situation with empathy and understanding of the other person? Are we asking too much of ourselves or the other person? If you don't see the relationship surviving don't wait for the resentments to make you bitter, move on.