Sunday 27 October 2013

Judgemental Opinions

o·pin·ion [uh-pin-yuh-n] 

noun
1. a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty.
2. a personal view, attitude, or appraisal.
3. the formal expression of a professional judgment: to ask for a second medical opinion.
4. Law. the formal statement by a judge or court of the reasoning and the principles of law used in reaching a decision of a case.
5. a judgment or estimate of a person or thing with respect to character, merit, etc.: to forfeit someone's good opinion.

judg·ment [juhj-muh-nt] 

noun
1. an act or instance of judging.
2. the ability to judge, make a decision, or form an opinion objectively, authoritatively, and wisely, especially in matters affecting action; good sense; discretion: a man of sound judgment.
3. the demonstration or exercise of such ability or capacity: The major was decorated for the judgment he showed under fire.
4. the forming of an opinion, estimate, notion, or conclusion, as from circumstances presented to the mind: Our judgment as to the cause of his failure must rest on the evidence.
5. the opinion formed: He regretted his hasty judgment.

(Definitions courtesy of http://dictionary.reference.com/

Both opinions and judgements seem to be highly personal and subjective. Opinions are based more on our feelings and judgements on weight of available evidence. So when we make a judgement call on a person are we really judging them or are we forming an opinion? We can't really form a judgement until we know about a person and can take into consideration all that has happened to that person. If I meet someone and take an instant dislike to them I cannot say I have judged them to be unlikable only that I have that opinion of them.

My fiancé and I have multiple debates in a day, I argue from a standpoint of what the facts are telling me and he argues from how they make him feel. These debates are always charged with emotion because I have an emotional disorder and become hypersensitive when feeling invalidated. If the facts are there then my point of view should be validated shouldn't they? But as his side of the debate shows, facts can be open to perspective interpretation. Judgement versus opinion, both subjective, both from perceived evidence, both just as valid. We tend to have successful relationships with people who can empathise with our opinions and who form similar judgements on the weight of evidence provided. 

Our main arguments happen over topics that I am passionate about. I research like a madman when I want to know more about something that interests me. I become obsessive and single minded. My fiancé is my earth, he dissipates my wayward charge when I'm straying from the point. I argue, I throw facts around like armour-piercing rounds, anything to make his opinion fit my judgement. I forget empathy, I only focus. I close my mind becoming blinkered to anything other than my perception. After a good round I walk away frazzled, take some time out and come back with an apology and my mind more open. From then on we can refine our understanding of the facts from different view points. Sometimes the evidence actually changes meaning after one of these debates. Off we go to our own parts of our lives together and I research further, down a new path, that now makes more sense.

Next time someone says you are being judgemental ask them if that is their opinion. Are they sure you have formed a judgement? Have you honestly had enough evidence to judge or is it just an opinion?

 

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